Talk show on mute

It's been a very long weekend, so enjoy my Sunday cut w/o a personal interest story from me (I can hear the collective sigh of relief). For once I feel like there is not much to say today (whoa, I just heard it again).....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You have no idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person." (The Office)

- Here are 6 things every TV ad assumes is true.

- Ladies, when contemplating breast enhancement to impress your man or another man you're having an affair with, remember these 20 worst boob jobs before plucking down the loot. And if you are cheating than maybe you deserve the "uniboob."

- Designing your own app is a little easier with this iPhone stencil. I can't draw a good looking camera icon either.

This will definitely look great when you are 70 since it is obviously awesome now. 

Here are some more great tramp stamps.

- My wife gets pissed because she thinks I deliberately wait to fart when we are in the car together instead of letting my wind blow outside the vehicle before entering. I tell her I'm not that cruel and that she should be lucky she's not a part of any further "fart attacks."

- I STILL have a hard time believing some of these.

- Today's, just-put-four-new-tires-on-my-car-so-now-watch-me-total-it-next-week JAM.

We be growin' crops bitches!!!

- It's not Friday, but the point gets across just the same.

- This New York bar is setting their menu prices like the stock market. I like.

- I guess my dog problems are looking a little weak compared to this dog's aggression issues.

Lafayette, Indiana IS great! I knew it!

Just one of those days.....

So my ears decided this morning not to hear the alarm clock going off. At all. I remember setting it last night and that's all she wrote. I honestly don't remember it going off the first time or hitting the snooze for an hour plus. I do remember waking up out of the blue feeling like someone beat the shit out of me only to look at the clock and think, well my shift starts in exactly one minute. Oops. You ever just sleep so hard that everything around you could be on fire and you'll still sleep like a rock? Like you've been drugged? My wife says she sleeps like that after a long day at work. I can now relate.

Needless to say the alarm clock situation in my house will definitely be revamped with a new plan. As a result, I ran around the house throwing on whatever clothes that were laying around, eyes barely open, grabbed a Pop Tart pack and headed out without packing any lunch. I did brush my teeth though, I'm not in middle school.

So it's just been one of those days. A day that blows hard. Tomorrow will be fine but when your late, dirty, hungry, and generally in a pissy mood not much good is going to come from the day.

My buddy Robin Williams has a cure - - - Over the counter? Six week supply please, thank you.

```````````````````````````````````````
Every time I try to get out, they suck me back in.....

- Cocaine is a helluva drug, but sometimes the wacky is just a bit too wacky.

- Oh the memories....

- Here is the 30 worst album covers ever.

- 10 new school gadgets with old school style here.

- Cheech Marin > Anderson Cooper over here.

Here is your odd statue of the day. As soon as I saw it I thought of Ralphie's dad in A Christmas Story, "NOT A FINGA!!"

I'm certain this is Dwight Schrute's kid doing the damage.

Warning: There could possibly be significant shrinkage due to the cold temps.

Facebook Dating 101:

-------------------------------------------------------------

Jam of the Day: The Strokes - What Ever Happened? (kinda what I was thinking this morning.)

I wish I was a bartender tonight

I came across a little argument on FaceSlop that was discussing today's "holiday." A bunch of women were saying how St. Patrick's Day is just another "bro" holiday that they can't stand. I think you could lump any holiday into the "bro" category, whatever the hell that means.

I guess if you get drunk and act immature and stupid it's a "bro" holiday? Men don't need holidays to do that ladies, we live it everyday. It's wired into our DNA. You guys should know that by now. Mardi Gras, Cinco De Mayo, these days are just another reason for Americans to get drunk and tie it to a "holiday." Relax.  

Maybe they were pissed because they weren't going to get 1/2 off drinks tonight at the bar like they do 364 other days of the year, thus bashing the whole day and the male species as well.

Oh well, the green beer will still taste so good once it hits my lips.


********************************************

Nice hat.

And this is why you should walk.

Please skip doing this to your pets this year. 

.......And this.

What flood? I like these guys.

The snooze button still goes beep beep

Lose and hour of sleep, gain an hour of daylight. Sure, I'll take that deal. I think we can all agree (yes, all 6 of you) that one less hour of sleep isn't as important as having more light in our lives.

Look, everyone is busy. Whether it's family, career, school, or extracurricular activities like toting the kid's around to practice while snorting blow off the minivan dashboard just to stay awake (soccer mom's are nuts!) Regardless, I doubt most people are getting the recommended eight hours of sleep. So what the hell, take another hour away from us. I'll just add another cup of coffee.

It's all mental anyway I think. Really, only the first day has any affect on your precious sleep cycle, if you have one. This does tell me though that if you suffer from this, as I'm convinced I do, then the cure is right around the corner.

If you want more beats for your buck, there's no luck:

- Wyclef is a shady dude.

- A souvenir is meant to sit up on your mantle and collect dust, not for stabbing yourself in the leg.

- Going all MacGyver with Legos.

Dunkin' Donuts needs to get on board with this chocolate bacon eclair lookin' thing.

- This dude has a lot of balls trying to pull that kind of stunt.

- AT&T consistently gets the shaft for their overall cell phone service. Being #4 on this list you would think some areas would be getting better.

Republican scare tactics......

 Oh, how kinky....Zing! Don't forget the chain link thongs too, honey. 

Ouch.

 

   

- Can someone please pass me that big turkey leg over there?! Mmmmm, juicy.

- Further proof that God loves the Green Bay Packers.

(i.e. My work place)

Boating season is approaching. I don't have one so I can't imagine how hard it is to stay in the damn thing. But that doesn't mean I can't laugh at people who struggle with this concept.

 Of course as temperatures rise outside the rain comes down. It has been raining for the better part of three days around here. In honor, here is Led Zeppelin's Rain Song live circa 1975. It really doesn't have much to do with precipitation but Robert Plant does say the word "rain" a few times. It's merely just a bad ass tune with Page playing the double neck. Enjoy.

The weak willed

Don't have much today, too busy getting reacquainted with my Facebook account. Yeah I caved, sue me. I'm weak willed what can I say? Five months away was beneficial but I'm itching to reconnect with distant family members and college friends whom I've grown apart from since graduating, among other reasons. I'm taking a new approach to it, god willing.

Anyway, the Sun has decided to reappear the last few days. Remember the Sun? Huge ball of gas in space? Well, in my neighborhood you could tell it was out and the temps were up this weekend resulting in my neighbor driving around our cul-de-sac on a riding mower while drinking a brewskie. Perfect way to end the Winter depression. Frankly, I was a little jealous.

Monday Madness:

- 'Tis the season; here are 25 cutting edge lawnmowers.

- If you want to get technical, they are black. What's the big deal?

- I knew Freddie Mercury was up to no good.

- The "World Wide Leader" does it again.

This reminds me of the Beastie Boys song, 'Boomin' Granny'

Yes, the threat of Stone Cold and shitting your pants is very, very real.

The guy can't buy a follower!

Today's weather related jam by the great, Bob.

Sorry, but it's true.

I'm not really familiar with this type of canine travel.

I need an ax and some extra cash

Well, I actually have an ax but have used it a grand total of one time. A tree was cut down in my backyard and I was using it to chop the bigger pieces into small ones for firewood. Look, I'm no lumberjack. I haven't wore dingy flannel since Kurt Cobain blasted his head open. I sometimes grow a beard, but it could never compare to Paul Bunyan's. I wouldn't mind having a blue ox though. Thirty minutes into almost chopping my head off, I said screw it, knocked on my neighbor's door and borrowed his chainsaw. We chopped that fat bastard up in twenty minutes flat.

What am I getting at here? Sorry, I like to ramble sometimes. Oh yeah, you should watch Ax Men on the History channel. And while you're at it also check out Pawn Stars on the same channel. I believe Ax Men are a few seasons in but Pawn Stars is a new show. With Ax Men, I like watching TV shows that illustrate what hard work really is. Not only dangerous as hell but those dudes bust their ass everyday to provide for their families. Nose to the grindstone, blue-collared guys. A lot of money involved in dangerous jobs like crab fishing, logging, and oil mining. I mean a lot.

With Pawn Stars I just like seeing people try to sell the lint out of their belly button in hopes of getting some extra cash. The shit these people bring in, some very cool, some not so much. A 17th century authentic treasure chest with a musket ball hole through it? Cool. A British police cap that you stole while vacationing in Europe? Not so cool. Pawn shops don't take stolen items, buddy. At least make up some kind of story that omits the fact that you stole it. Duh.

==============================================

Tuesday debauchery for all:

-  Speaking of Ax Men, this is just tragic and should have never ever happened.

- OchoCinco is doing Dancing with the Stars. I may tune in out of curiosity....and because Kate Gosselin has a high chance to break an ankle for her kids.

- "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit." Or just go to the Smithsonian for the latest murderer memorabilia.


"Every time we try to steal a moment to ourselves, this creepy ass baby shows up outta nowhere."

- 25 other examples of terrible parenting.

- Apple products: "So easy an underage child can make it."

- Here is some pretty sweet 3D sidewalk art.


Heather Graham is being used to promote the public option. I am now more familiar with the public option than ever before.



- Kobe Bryant's new defensive technique.

- He doesn't need emergency assistance but he definitely wants something.

- The newest 'Blue Marble' images since the 1968 original.

Old age perks just keep getting better and better.

I'll end with Jam & Pim. Wow.